Want a successful relationship? Know your partner's love language.

Recently, I've been seeing numerous articles bashing women who are unappreciative of their boyfriends.  They've been deemed "gold-diggers" - self-centered princesses only being in relationships because of money.  I honestly have never encountered such women in my life, but from my male friends' past experiences, I'm inclined to believe that there are a few women out there who truly fall under this category.  While I'm not here to condemn these women or stand up for all the women out there who are appreciative of their boyfriends, reading these articles made me realize that it is incredibly vital to know your partner's love language.

Unhappy relationships tend to have one thing in common - differing expectations from both parties in the relationship.  The girls may expect gifts and fancy dinners from time to time while the guys are contented with mere meet-ups.  Truthfully, there's nothing wrong with either.  It all boils down to whether the couple can compromise through knowing each others love languages.

I've been mentioning "love language" quite a bit.  To those who are unfamiliar with this term, love language refers to the ways in which one expresses or would like to receive love - they come from Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages".  So obviously, there are 5 love languages:

1. Words of affirmation

Everyone likes to hear positive remarks about themselves, so this means sincerely affirming or praising your loved one with words.  It could be by telling them how special they are to you, how gorgeous they look - basically anything that would edify them to make them feel good about themselves.

2. Acts of service

To some, actions may speak louder than words.  This involves doing things for your loved one.  It could be by running an errand for them, helping them with chores or work, picking them up from school or work for convenience sake - anything that would help them.  

3. Receiving gifts

This one is pretty obvious.  Buying or making gifts, making cards all fall under this category.  

4. Quality Time

Time is precious, and so is the time spent with a loved one.  It could be by going out on dates, going over to each other's places, having a simple meal - simply put, any time you guys spend together as a couple.

5. Physical Touch

Surprising as this sounds, having physical contact with someone may show them how much you feel for them.  It could be a simple hand on the shoulder for affirmation or a warm embrace - any time when you guys touch.

So how do these 5 love languages come into play?  Well, the differing expectations may actually come from not knowing your partner's love language.  As mentioned above, a typical scenario of unhappy coupledom would sound like this:

Mary and John have been in a relationship for about half a year or so.  Mary enjoys going on dates with John and John enjoys going on dates with Mary.  Over time, Mary realises that John rarely, if not never, buys her any gifts or takes her out to lavish dinners.  She on the other hand, is always giving him gifts and randomly buying him small treats he enjoys eating.  Dates have always been simple - maybe walks around town or watching movies at theaters.  After seeing all her friends' Facebook and Instagram photos of other boyfriends doing romantic things for their girlfriends, she starts to feel unhappy.  Mary decides to bring the matter up to John, who doesn't really understand what's the big deal.  John constantly reassures Mary by hugging her and telling her that he loves her very much.  Mary doesn't feel satisfied and John still doesn't understand what the issue is.

So what's the problem here?  Is John being too stingy or a failure of a romantic?  Or is Mary too demanding?  

It could be both, or neither, or that they both don't understand each other's love language.  For one, it is clear that they both enjoy going out on dates.  So they express and receive love through spending quality time with each other.  The difference in love language comes when Mary expresses love through gifts - she constantly buys things for John and expects the same.  John, however, expresses love through words of affirmation and physical touch - he always reassures her by telling her he loves her and gives her hugs.  Ultimately, if Mary and John realize that they are truly being loved by the other through their different love languages, they wouldn't be so unhappy.

After knowing your partner's love language, it'd be easier to understand why they do or feel certain things.  It'd be easier to understand why all you're saying or doing for them is not getting to their heads - it's simply because they may not receive or express love the same way you do.  Once this realization has occurred, compromise can be made.  If John knew that Mary loved through gifts, he would buy her something once in awhile.  And if Mary knew John loved through words and touch, she'd affirm his love for her and tell him words of love in return.  Finally, both would end up contented, knowing that they were being loved by each other.

Now, isn't that something?  ;)